Full Moon

I am planning on visiting the High Style exhibit at the Legion of Honor, and I was going to wait until after that to do my next blog.

But there have been some thoughts stewing in my head since earlier this afternoon and I feel like spilling it all out. Normally I would just do that in my private journal but for some reason I want to let my guard down right now and let the world know that I'm only human too. 

(Not that I have that many readers anyway, I don't plan on hyping this site until I have the shop section up.)

The question on my mind right now is this:

What's the best thing to do when you begin realizing that you still have feelings for someone?

The keyword being still, implying that maybe it's past the point of it being "reasonable" to continue feeling that way. Over 350 years ago, the master courtier Baltasar Gracian wrote that imperturbability is the spirit's most sublime quality. And that's pretty much what men are taught even today. Don't be emotional, vulnerable-- that's weak, that's needy, that's desperate, that's unattractive, and repellent. Don't catch "one-itis."

So should you tell that person about it, and hope that they feel something too? 

I think in my own case it's best if I just step back for now and let Fate/God/uncontrollable-neurological-impulses decide what happens this time...

I dabbled in palmistry in the past, mostly to help with talking to chicks haha... But I do find it genuinely interesting. Though I'm not superstitious, I find all things occult to be very interesting-- tarot, astrology, numerology, etc. 

Most people have two separate lines in the middle of their palm (the Heart Line and the Head Line), but mine are connected into one line. That's a rare line called a Simian Crease. I'm gonna oversimplify here but you guys have google anyway. Basically a Simian Crease is a fusing of the Heart Line and the Head Line. In palmistry it is a marker of INTENSITY, and passion. Its bearer has tendency to intertwine thoughts with feelings. Many of its bearers are successful because they are able to pour all their energy and drive single-mindedly into accomplishing something. But it also means that its bearer will have more intense focus on their problems as well.

Right now, I want to commit all that drive and focus into something productive. But my heart and my mind just keep wanting to focus on something else.

That's where I'm at right now.

Vision Quest

So first of all, an update on my projects. I FINALLY finished the artwork for the last t-shirt design in my micro collection!!! It took a few months, squeezing in what work I could get done on my off days and after my job but I finally managed to complete it. Now I'm researching into the business aspect of things, figuring out how I'm going to get them produced, sell them, and market them. I'm keeping the final image under wraps for now but here are some WIP shots and sneak peeks.

On the left is work-in-progress shot of the back of the t-shirt. The right is a close-up of the head details on the final version.

Close up of the final face. I experimented with making the lips just a flat red fill or the gradient I was using during most of the work but in the end I opted to make it pop a little more with shadow and shine.

Click to scroll through and see the different color variants. I'm still not sure I'm going to do this dark blue one but the other colors are gonna be options for sure.

Lastly, above is a shot of what it looks like when I'm plotting out all the points. For those who aren't familiar with vector artwork, it takes quite awhile to build all of these shapes manually. One thing I could have done is to create this image in traditional media and then use an automatic method like live trace but, it would not have given me near the same result as doing everything manually. 

So that's that and now I'm just getting the business end of it all sorted out. Have to do some research and then well, then it's on to the nitty gritty! Now on to general topics...

First of all been watching a lot of basketball with my brother-in-law. Congratulations Warriors!

Then I went on an unintentional "vision quest" recently. It was tough. But before that here's some things about my continuing "education."

Book review: "The 48 Laws of Power." 

Not a full review just my thoughts on it and a little comparison now that I've finished it. I read The Prince last year. It was a really quick read and I mostly read it because I love Italian Renaissance history and so it was pretty interesting to me. I think a lot of his points on politics and power were very specific to the specific political situation that he was living in. But there are some general themes to glean from it. For example, the willingness to prioritize stability and the maintenance of power at the expense of traditional ideas of morality. He also talks about how to appear generous and good while being uncompromising in gaining and maintaining power. 

Robert Greene's book is more of a modern perspective on these themes. He puts forward 48 "laws" or guidelines for gaining and maintaining power in business, political, and social situations and backs up his points using historical examples of observance and transgressions of these "laws." He also argues devil's advocate against his own points which I feel adds some balance. 

I think the last law is the most important one to take away. Law 48: Assume Formlessness. It ties in with some other things I've been reading and listening to. At the end of the day, it's not necessarily any particular strengths or traits that decide who will survive and who will be successful. It's all about who is the best at adaptation and flexibility. He uses the example of Athens (a democratic, culturally rich, trading empire) versus Sparta (a militaristic, isolationist, oligarchy) to make his point. He shows how though Sparta managed to dominate and defeat Athens at one point, the rigidity and inflexibility of their society eventually lead to their downfall. I think it's worth a read for anyone who is interested in history and/or "power" but I recommend taking it with a grain of salt. A lot of it is far too extreme to really practice as a whole and still live a fulfilling life.

While exercising in the garage a couple weeks ago (I have a treadmill, some weights, jump rope, etc.) I spotted these books on an old shelf in there. They belonged to my sister. So I took them and started teaching myself some Tagalog :D I bought the flashcards later to help me with vocabulary. While it was nice having almost 500 cards already made, the thing I don't like about them is that they have the Tagalog on one side, but instead of just the English word on the other side it has all these sentences and examples of using the word. Which is NOT bad, as it helps to see the other forms of the word too. It's just that you can't reverse drill (English to Tagalog instead of Tagalog to English). I also got Rosetta Stone on discount and financed which is nice for warming up. But by far the most helpful thing in learning has been the Pimsleur method. I got a hold of the audio lessons and I do them on my off days while doing chores or artwork, and also I do them in the car (I spend about an hour in the car five days a week). The audio lessons have been really helpful to me because it's based on actual conversations. The book helps me learn the technical aspects of the grammar and whatnot though.

OK. About the "vision quest." I debated whether or not I should blog about it in the first place but I think mentioning a few things about it wouldn't hurt. 

First of all, one of my friends from school has his artwork on display at a lounge here in the bay area. So I asked one of my friends if they wanted to go there and get a drink, plus there was an open mic that night. I got to my friend's house and it was still pretty early so we were just chilling.

Then I won't say how, but I slipped into another dimension.

It was one of the scariest experiences of my life and I kept resurfacing back into reality only to slip back in. But one thing I wanted to bring up here in public is that there was a point during the experiences that my mind got ultra focused on a problem I've been having. And as that thought was brought into focus I felt like these energetic cords of attachment were being torn from out of my body-- like I was being disemboweled. 

Afterwards, on my way home I realized that everything is OK and that I sure have some good friends. I think that's all I want to talk about in public in regards to the experience.

Guess I'll have to see my friend's artwork another time!

Ease

Well, just got done watching the Warriors game with my brother-in-law. Just felt like updating here again. First of all, I finally started back up on the t-shirt artwork after about 2 weeks of not touching the project at all.

Just easing back into things, started out by working on the colors a little bit. Those flowers are pretty much done, just gonna tweak the fills on the leaves a little bit.

On these flowers, I've set up the gradients but haven't adjusted the directions or anything yet. 

My dinner tonight ^_^

So anyway just starting out small. On my job search, so far I've just been putting in a few applications here and there but mostly I'm just adding myself to more job databases so I can be more organized and methodical in my search. Been finding a lot of prospects in other parts of the country, so there's a possibility I may be relocating as soon as I'm ready.

Recently dumped all my old phone photos.... Gonna use them as visual filler.

But I kinda steered off my goal for awhile, so I'm gonna put less energy into my job search and more into finishing up the t-shirt collection again. Just been hanging out too, trying not to spend too much money but I gotta get fresh air every now and then.

Now, onto some food for thought...

Haha, before I begin *ramble mode* I just gotta say, at first glance my blog looks more like a food blog with some random philosophy thrown in haha.... But naw I think there's enough blogs out there talking about the latest trends and all that. That would take the focus off my own work and life.

***Ok time to ramble so if you're not into that, stop here. Thanks for reading!***

I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about the thing I left off at last time (Samson and Delilah) but I figure there's plenty of time to write about everything else at some other point anyway. So again with the story of Samson and Delilah, as a child I took the story literally. But I revisited it recently and like with the Exodus story I found my own personal lesson from it. And note in case you didn't read my last post, it was not a religious lesson but more of along to the lines of a life lesson.

For those unfamiliar, I'll just quickly give the gist of the story here. Samson was basically a badass Jewish Hercules. He was blessed with superhuman strength which was tied to his vows as a Nazirite-- he was not to drink alcohol or cut his hair. During Samson's time the Israelites were under the yoke of the Philistines, and a lot of his stories involve him killing a bunch of Philistines. Like the time he killed 1,000 of them with only the jawbone of a donkey as a weapon. The plan was for Samson to use the gifts he was blessed with to deliver his people from the Philistines.

But Samson had a weakness: He was addicted to women. Particularly Philistine women and his addiction would prove to one day be fatal. He eventually married a conniving Philistine woman named Delilah who was bribed by her people to discover the source of Samson's strength. She worked her charms and cut his hair, sapping him of his powers. He's captured, tortured, blinded, and kept in bondage. Eventually, his hair grows back while in captivity and finally he is able to carry out his God-given mission by collapsing the Philistine temple to the pagan god Dagon. In this final blow he takes down himself along with his enemies.

See that? MONEY COUNTS. And the girl scouts know it!

Most of us, like Samson, are blessed. It may be more apparent to some of us than others, but we all have our own unique skills, talents, and qualities. It could be something as simple as a good sense of humor, or it could be tremendous skill in some particular field. We all have at least one gift. And like Samson, we could all put that gift into accomplishing something major in life. You might even say we are MEANT to put that gift to work in some big way. It doesn't necessarily have to shake up the entire world but just something that makes an impact. Even if it's just in the lives of your own family. 

But like Samson, we are also vulnerable to addiction. It could be addiction to food, video games, alcohol, drugs, spending money, the internet, even "falling-in-love." Healthy activities can become addictions when we devote so much time and energy to them, to the detriment of other areas of our lives. It's possible to be addicted to people too. Overindulgence in just about anything can become unhealthy...

And just as in Samson's story, that leads us to neglect our gifts and our respective "missions." We let our vices overpower us and lead us to disaster. But even if you've allowed your strengths to fade, it's never too late to come correct and get back on track; putting your gifts to work in fulfilling something worthwhile.

Well, so little time so much to write. I'm gonna take a break from the bible stories for awhile haha... I feel preachy when I talk about them. So next time I ramble on it'll be about something else. And hopefully I'll have gotten some more work done.

Bye!