Well, this is just another stream-of-consciousness update. I've mostly been focusing on my job lately. Need to save up money for this business. And it doesn't help that I just got hit with $800 to repair my laptop AGAIN. But, it's good having it back-- from now I gotta be super careful.
I've been listening to a lot of motivational and personal growth talks and whatnot. And I was thinking about how oftentimes fear prevents us from getting what we really want in life.
In the predicament of my business, it's fear of failure AND fear of success. Like if I fail, then not only do I lose money but I anticipate the humiliation in the back of my mind as well. I already have enough haters as it is, and I don't wanna give them even more fuel to feed on. Likewise, I don't want to let down the people that DO support me.
And fear of what happens if this thing really blows up, too. I mean like what if this gets so big that I can't handle it on my own anymore? How will it be in the beginning, trying to handle all of this business myself? What if I mess up on something and my business gets a bad rep? What if business is really good but I mess up on my taxes and get in trouble with the IRS?
All the little worries...
At work even, I tell myself sometimes that I should really get into management to breathe a little new life into my career and bump up my income bracket. I've barely been in my new department for 2 weeks or so now and my new manager already says she sees the potential in me. That's not the first time either, 2 out of the past 3 managers I've had before her expressed the same assessment of me. And deep down I know I could do a good job and succeed at it. I just fear getting more invested in a career path that may take valuable time and energy from what I really want in life. As a manager I'd probably be more busy and most of my energy would go into work. That would leave me with less to put into my own business.
Anyway, I think this year if I am still at the same company by holiday I will try to get into management for sure. Right now, however, it's too early in my new department to be making forays into that territory. I know from past experience that when they say you could be a manager they start by having you "practice" within the department on your coworkers. Since I'm new, not everyone in the department even knows me-- much less, respects me. So I think that would put me on a fast track to being a magnet of resentment. Law Number 1: Never Outshine the Master.
These envelopes be poetic...
This concept of fear obstructing us extends into relationships as well. I just went over this article that touches on that:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201401/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-love
And just from my own experience and observations it's not just the things mentioned in that article. A lot of times fear will prevent even the seeds from being planted. I mean that in a few different ways. The most obvious one being fear of rejection. What stops a lot of people from being successful in attraction--or even trying--is self-consciousness and self-absorption. I know that sounds odd when it's put that way but it's true. A lot of people think too much of themselves and their own security. They're not really trying to make the other person happy or create a pleasurable atmosphere for both parties. No, instead they are way too focused on not looking foolish, not looking desperate, not looking needy, etc... And they are too focused on benefitting themselves. They don't have a real sense of confidence or security and so dread putting themselves in a position where they are vulnerable to the judgment of others. Coming from a place of true confidence means that despite what others think and despite the results you get, you will be able to continue functioning with self-esteem.
With all that in mind, fear of rejection and fear of emotional pain is actually the reason why "bad boys" (and bad girls) exist. Okay, maybe there's a few people that are just born rebels but for the most part these kinds of people are created by past hurts. Most people start out idealistic about love but after successive hurts and disappointments their hearts start getting harder and harder and their walls higher and higher. Strangely enough, that guarded stance and emotional detachment come off as "confidence" and "high value" (like they are too good to talk to you or open up, which creates a challenge, which gets people "chasing"). Which is why people grow attracted to them.
Lastly, just in general the more we experience these things the harder it becomes to trust people. Trust is essential and you can't force someone or "persuade" them into trusting you. It has to be earned. But oftentimes, sometimes through no fault of your own, people will be so closed off that they won't even give you the opportunity to earn that trust. It could be that they are just so scared of being hurt from past experiences. Or maybe it is a little bit of your fault, that you said or did something that most people takes as humor but because of what that person has experienced it triggers their walls.
Finally, all that said I am trying to overcome my own fears both in business/career matters and in personal relationships. It's tough and sometimes I catch myself going back into that defensive mode but I have to remind myself nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Back on the topic of business before I close out. I have been doing a lot of research and I think the best thing for me to do right now is to come up with a business plan for doing the t-shirt store with the traditional business model. I have found a few manufacturers that will do very low minimums. Even though that cuts into profits, right now the main thing for me is to get my products on the market so even if it doesn't make a lot of money I can start building a brand presence.
Also, I've gotten back in touch with couple of classmates that may be able to help me moving forward. One is really good with marketing and merchandising so she may be able to help me with the business side of things. The other is really good at pattern-making and construction. While I don't need that right now, I probably will in the future as I go into making a full clothing line so it will be good to have her help in that venture.
:)
